Chasing Running

I'm in a rut ... and it's a crater of a rut! Possibly the size of the Grand Canyon. I am also my worst critic. So when I'm in a rut I criticize myself for allowing myself to be in said rut. Awful, awful habit.

To summarize, I haven't been running. I haven't been cooking and I've barely been cleaning. I haven't been reading and I can't get off the couch when I get home from work. Bad rut.

I'm not depressed, just exhausted from work, ok, and lately haven't been medically 100% but I can usually power through all that. I know I can't though when I'm not running. Running makes me awake, sleep better, and just overall happier. I feel a sense of accomplishment especially since I've always despised it.

So last week I decided to get back to it. Laced up my shoes, hopped on the treadmill and started running. Could barely finish a mile. Wth? I chalked it up to being "the first day back" and tried again the next day. Same thing. Grrr. Tried again the next day but went outside which typically lifts my spirits. In frustration, I had to walk after the first mile. So angry with myself, I ran another mile. That second mile ended in tears. What have I done? Why did I let myself seriously derail this time?!

It broke my heart and made me so very disappointed in myself that I worked so hard to get up to 10 miles and yet here I am back at square one, but with a worse attitude. The half marathon is in 1.5 months. How the H am I going to pull this off?!

I know I can, and I will. It's just so interesting to me how quickly it all went away. In a flash all my hard work was out the window. My body missed it and immediately became lethargic and my mind lazy after work.

Luckily I got back up to three miles this week and tomorrow I'm going to see what happens when I try for 6. I know that might be a bit much considering I haven't been running but I'm a little out of time and need to go for it. And I carefully chose my words "see what happens" - if it doesn't work out then I won't feel defeated but if it does, BAM, I'm back at it!

Writing this down does make me feel better. I'm hoping putting it out there for others to read and for me to go back to read with give a sense of accountability I need to get me through the next month.

1,2,3 GO!!!