Pursuit of Bliss
*and all the stories along the way*
Other than providing material for stories, this isn't really
Nate's blog so I think it's time to change the title. It took me a while to
come up with it because my blog doesn't have a theme other than just my life.
Sorry for the length and details, but I wanted to share the thought process
that led to the new title:
We all have our life stories, struggles, and happiness. For
each of us, they are equally important, damaging, and motivating. Comparing
life stories is pointless and should be left to the 'keeping up with the
Joneses' types. But I feel sharing stories is one of the best ways to live.
By sharing a story it can bring a smile to someone's day,
someone can learn something new, gain a new perspective, or attack you. It's in
those moments, even in the attacks, that you learn who your life affects and
who you should move on without.
I'm constantly asked "how did you turn out the way you
did?" - no, that's not me tooting my own horn. I've made many mistakes and
bad choices in my life and have many faults; no one knows that more than me.
It's a question I have never been able to answer. Lately,
I've done a LOT of reflection on my childhood and I think I'm starting to
figure out the answer to that very difficult question. It's as simple and as
complicated as I choose to be this way.
I will be honest here and share that I did not grow up in a
cookie-cutter home or life. I grew up in what they call a "broken
home" with a single mom, three brothers, and a fourth brother added when I
was 14. For the struggles and challenges that I have faced in my life, I choose
to remember the good parts more than the bad.
Every night growing up we had to sit down and eat dinner
together. She didn't care if we hated each other (or if she hated us at that
moment), we ate as a family every night. Some nights we didn't talk. Some nights
we all laughed so hard there was food flying out of our mouths. Some nights
there were tears and faces red with anger. But we still came together because
she chose to make that a priority. No matter what was going on, this was our
guaranteed moment that we were together and could not be taken away.
I strongly believe it's those dinners that gave me the
backbone to face some of the most difficult things I would (and still will)
face in my life. But again, I chose to remember those moments instead of the struggles
that could have given me a crutch to be angry at the world. My Life Choice #1.
As I become an adult, I'm beginning to realize how cruel the
world really is and am a little jaded from it. Not thrown off the track jaded,
just enough to make me cautious and sadly, I'm rarely surprised by the world.
I think the one act that others do that baffles me the most
is judgement, or should I say misjudgement. I'm not talking about "um...
why is she wearing that" kind of judgement - we all do that! I'm talking
about misjudging someone's life and character. This happened a lot to me (and
still does today) simply because of my upbringing.
When people, especially children and young adults, are
judged on family history or appearance often times they don't have the strength
to do any differently than others expect. I don't think those who make up their
minds before they even get to know someone realize just how damaging their
judgements can be. Shouldn't we, as a society, encourage others to succeed
rather than jump to a conclusion based on something they can't change? Thank
God I had the strength to not listen to any of the people who stereotype and
continue to stereotype me and my family. My Life Choice #2.
You only have one family. They're the only ones we will
have. You can't change them, but you do love them even if you try not to. But
that's not how I see life. You can change your life. You can choose how you
live your life. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and
God has a plan for each of us. But I'm also a firm believer that you choose the
route you take on the path of your life, not God.
I think it's safe to say we all have a family member or two
that gets under our skin. They never seem to do right by you - they're always
hurting, manipulating, taking advantage of, or neglecting you. Why be angry?
Embrace it. They're doing it for a reason, focus on that. Figure out a way that
you can explain their behavior to yourself. Doesn't have to make sense, be fair
or right, but at least this way you can see where it's coming from and maybe
not take it so personally.
My life is my responsibilty. I can't blame my struggles on
someone else. Sure, someone else may have caused them, but from there I control
how long it will affect my life. It doesn't all go away easily and certain
things never will, but I've always tried to focus on the lesson in the
struggle.
No matter how bad things are, what mistakes you make, you
can always choose to move forward and try again tomorrow. My mom taught me
that. Life may make you stumble, just never let it make you fall. My Life
Choice #3.
So there really isn't a magic trick that I figured out. It's
simply making choices everyday that I feel are leading me in the right
direction. I'm not always good at it. Sometimes I go 50 blocks in the opposite
direction and sometimes I run in circles, but I'm always moving towards my goal
to find bliss. Everyday, every year, always on the hunt for it. It's my way of
coping with life.
Bliss can be a state of profound satisfaction, happiness and
joy, a constant state of mind, undisturbed by gain or loss.
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